On Turning a Corner

"I'm not trusting God anymore."

That was the thought that popped into my head yesterday, but before you start fasting and praying for my soul, allow me to explain what it really means...

When we're going through a long-term trial, we tend to go through phases. Psychologists have very helpfully come up with the official "Stages of Grief": Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Our faith lives tend to go through very similar stages:

1) When we get the bad news, we first jump to "this isn't happening". It's just what we do.

2) Once we've accepted the fact that yes, it really is happening, we often get angry at God. "Why are You allowing this to happen?"

3) At some point, we try to make deals with God. "If you make this go away, I promise I'll give 90% of my income to the church, I'll pray for 3 hours every day and I'll look into going on a missions trip to Timbuktu."

4) Here's where I tend to wander off the proverbial beaten path, and you may too. Yes, I do experience some depression in the midst of a trial, but more than that, I experience guilt as I allow Satan to convince me that I've done something to deserve what's happening. The Bible absolutely teaches that God disciplines us (Hebrews 12:6-11), and it's never a bad idea to make sure that there isn't some unconfessed or habitual sin in your life. But when something difficult pops up in my life, I automatically assume that it is always God punishing me for something I've done to anger Him. I don't usually leave open the possibility that there could be some other reason for what's happening, and this sends me into the deep end of the guilt pool without my Water Wings.

5) After moving through all of the negative reactions to a trial, at some point, the mature Christian decides that the best course of action is to trust that God knows what He's doing, leave it in His hands, and move on with life as much as possible. We remind ourselves that Jesus told us not to worry (Matthew 6:34) and that God is able to do more than we can even imagine on our behalf (Ephesians 3:20-21). We realize that trust is a daily (and sometimes hourly) decision and while we may falter from time to time, the overriding theme of our lives is that we honestly and actively do trust that God will do what is best for us in His perfect timing.

I've successfully navigated all of these steps (some of them multiple times) in the year and a half since I lost my job. But yesterday, I realized that I've turned a corner and that there is a sixth stage in the Christian's Stages of Dealing With Stuff We Don't Understand. (I suppose I should work on a more streamlined title for that, huh? Perhaps an acronym?)

When we spend an extended period of time in a particular stage, a few things can happen: 1) We get stuck - or worse, comfortable - there and can't move on, 2) We get obsessed with the problem that landed us there and can't move on, 3) We get tired of being there and just decide to move on (often before we're ready) or 4) We learn everything there is to learn in that stage and legitimately graduate to the next stage. I'll admit, I've done all four of those at just about every stage of the CSDWSWDU. And now, I'm on Stage 6:

6) We stop having to make a conscious effort to trust that God will do His part and we simply wait for Him to do it.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that God will provide a job for me. There is also now absolutely no doubt in my mind that until He does, He will continue to meet my needs. I no longer need to remind myself (or Him) that I'm trusting Him every day. I've been doing it so long, and He's been so faithful that now, I'm in a place in my walk with Him (and in this "trial)" where I'm just waiting. I'm doing it with eager anticipation and with a grateful heart, but it's not an active, energy-spending activity like trusting can be. Instead, it's a place of peace, a place of rest.

I'm not saying that I won't need to go back to Stage 5 before this "trial" is over. And I'm not saying that I'm becoming complacent or that I'm letting my guard down against Satan's arrows of doubt (or pride). What I am doing is accepting this stage as a gift from the One who knows my heart, knows my fears and knows my future. I'm joyfully resting in Him and saving my energy for whatever is coming next. I'm at peace in the arms of my Father, and I think I like it here.

What about you?