On True Brokenness

There are different kinds of brokenness. Some things that are broken are beyond repair, like a shattered windshield. Some things are repairable, but will always show signs of their brokenness, like a cracked vase. Still other things are broken to make them better the way a crooked limb can be made straight only if it is first broken. And then there is the thing that can fall into all three categories, sometimes almost simultaneously - our hearts. Events, circumstances and situations can break a heart beyond repair. Abuse can, and so often does, do just that. Perhaps the premature death of a loved one can leave visible scars, even after the grieving process is "complete". But the brokenness that leads to healing, I believe can only be brought about by the hand of God working in a person who is willing to allow Him to do what must be done. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

There are verses in the Bible that we can sometimes read and try to use as proof that we are right and God is wrong. For me, Psalm 34:18 is one of those verses. So many times I've cried to God that He's supposed to be close to me because my spirit feels crushed. But often, that crushed feeling was being caused by rebelliousness, bitterness, or even self-centeredness. Far less often was my crushed spirit caused by the only thing we should ever allow to crush us: the weight of unconfessed sin. The KJV replaces "crushed" with "contrite", which, according to Merriam-Webster means "feeling or showing sorrow and remorse for a sin or shortcoming". Replacing the word "crushed" with "contrite" brings this truth to light: God is quick to forgive and comfort the one who is truly repentant of his or her sin. There have been many times I've felt crushed, but far fewer times have I been contrite, and have then wondered why God isn't "close". It's in those times of "crushedness", when I would have been best served by a contrite spirit, that I've lashed out at God for being unfair, for not caring, or for punishing me for some sin I can't figure out. Irony at it's best, I think. In my self-righteous rants at God, I've been sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of sin, while all the while, He's been there holding out His hand for me to grab if only I would shut up long enough to realize that my struggling was only making me sink deeper.

Satan, the father of lies, leads us to believe that we are always right. He tells us that God does not, in fact, have our best interests in mind. Maybe God is too busy with other people to be close to us. Maybe He has given up on us because we've fallen into the same sin one too many times. Or maybe, the Bible was only written for other people and that it doesn't count for us, for one reason or another. I think I've said this before, but Satan lives to discourage us. He wants our lives. Self-centeredness, bitterness, and doubt, or worse, depression, addiction, and suicide are tools he uses to try to take back the children of God. He knows he's defeated, but it doesn't stop him from fighting tooth and nail to try to take back those he can never have.

God is close to the truly brokenhearted, and saves those who repent of their sin, reach out, and accept his offer of help and salvation. We only need to do that once to be assured of our forever salvation. But there are those days when we need to turn from the sin that is once again trapping us in ourselves, take the hand of our Father and let him help us back onto the solid ground of His truth and love. We can not lose our eternal salvation, but an unwillingness to be contrite when we sin can make our lives on this earth absolutely miserable, as can dwelling on past hurts or tragedies. It is only when our eyes are focused on the face of our Father that we will know his closeness and be fully assured that we are safe in his arms both now, and for all of eternity. And in His arms is where we find our hope and our joy. Yes, brokenness hurts, but if it leads to healing, it is absolutely worth the present pain.